23 questions about the Rory McIlroy-Patrick Reed feud, with 23 one-sentence answers

TeeGate. Don’t want to talk about it, but have to talk about it, because what went down between Rory McIlroy and Patrick Reed in Dubai this week has burned social media to the ground. We did our best to sort this mess out, and what better way to do so than to answer whatever questions you may have about golf’s newest feud. All answers will be confined to one sentence, even if, grammatically, those sentences are a disaster.

Reed attempted to say hello to McIlroy earlier this week at the Hero Dubai Desert Classic, a DP World Tour event, only for McIlroy to ignore Reed, leading to Reed tossing a LIV Golf tee in McIlroy’s direction while walking away, hence, “TeeGate.”

Look, there’s video evidence and everything:

Apparently Rory didn’t see it as he told the media on Wednesday: “Patrick came up to say hello and I didn’t really want him to. That was it. I didn’t see a tee. I didn’t feel a tee. Obviously someone else saw that. I can’t believe it’s actually turned into a story. It’s nothing.”

Because Reed’s lawyer, Larry Klayman, subpoenaed Rory McIlroy on Christmas Eve.

No; though Reed has multiple lawsuits against multiple media entities, this is a different matter, as Klayman is personally suing the PGA Tour, and McIlroy, along with a host of others, have been pulled into it as “co-conspirators” in an antitrust scheme to destroy LIV, according to the lawsuit.

That’s what McIlroy said, and a quick check of law documents says the subpoena was delivered to his residence, explaining then Rory’s response: “I was trying to have a nice time with my family. If someone shows up on your doorstep and delivers that, you’re not going to take that well. I’m living in reality. I don’t know where he [Reed] is living. If I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t expect a hello or a handshake. I don’t see how you can pretend like nothing’s happening.”

Of course not; the name of the process server was “Shark Process,” which really is just the chef’s kiss on this mess.

Reed confirmed the interaction with McIlroy went down to the Daily Mail: “He saw me and he decided not to not to react. It’s unfortunate because we’ve always had a good relationship … But it is one of those things—if you’re going to act like an immature little child then you might as well be treated like one.”

It appears Reed was trying to send a subliminal message, according to Reed: “We all know where it came from—being part of LIV. Since my tees are [LIV Golf franchise] Team Aces LIV tees I flicked him one. It was kind of a funny shot back. Funny how a small little flick has turned into basically me stabbing him and throwing a tee at him.”

We just made a cursory glance at the LIV merch website and, sadly, the answer appears to be no.

They had an epic match at the 2016 Ryder Cup, and they also played together in the final pairing at the 2018 Masters—and it should be noted that McIlroy has often come to the defense of Reed in the past.

Yes, after Reed’s bunker controversy at the 2019 Hero World Challenge, McIlroy went on Golf Channel and tried to downplay what happened: “I don’t think it would be a big deal if it wasn’t Patrick Reed. It’s almost like, a lot of people within the game, it’s almost like a hobby to sort of kick him when he’s down. I think the live shot isn’t as incriminating as the slow-mo. It’s hard, because you try to give the player the benefit of the doubt, right? He’s in there, he’s trying to figure out what way to play the shot. It’s almost like it’s obliviousness to it rather than anything intentful, in terms of trying to get away with anything.”

Well, Reed’s Twitter account did, but that’s another story.

Yep, Rory said this on Wednesday: “I didn’t feel the need to acknowledge him. And if roles were reversed and I’d thrown that tee at him, I’d be expecting a lawsuit.”

Because most people under 50 don’t realize Watergate was the name of the hotel where the Nixon scandal happened … or society continues to get lazier and less creative by the day.

Maybe make it specific to the controversy in question, so here maybe “Sandskirt” or “P’s Tee” or “Teed Off” or … listen, I’m an ideas man, not a solutions guy.

Well, Reed is not only suspended from PGA Tour events but he also resigned, so we’re not going to see any showdowns on that circuit, and the Ryder Cup seems unlikely to allow LIV members in, either, but LIV members are currently allowed to play the majors along with DP World Tour events, so we could see some battles, nevertheless I doubt we’re going to see anything along the lines of the Brooks-Bryson feud, yet given the genuine animosity between the two and that each elicits strong fan reaction and that they are avatars for each side of a schism that’s battling for the existential soul of the game … it would be pretty cool if this thing became a thing.

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They parlayed their feud into a TV exhibition that doused those flames completely … at least we think, but to know for sure you’ll have to tune into the CW this year to find out.

Definitely, and that winner is whoever typed “Incredulous facial expression” on the interview transcript when McIlroy looked like someone just put tomato sauce in his ice cream when asked if he could see mending bridges with Reed.

Apparently they were not, but they will at least be at the major championships.

Spectacularly dumb, yes, but considering the USGA growing the rough too high at a U.S. Open constitutes “controversy” in this sport, you have to start somewhere.

We covered the Shark Process server, right?

It’s real, baby.

You say that now, but wait until they’re paired together at Augusta.